Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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