i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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