Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
