What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize