Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
