then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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