Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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