You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
