My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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