I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
