U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
