So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
