She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
