I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize