I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
