If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
