I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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