im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
