If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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