do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize