I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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