Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
