Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
