dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
