some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize