Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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