I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
