i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
