so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
