Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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