you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
