I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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