I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
