I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i think i just naturally attract stoners
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
