why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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