roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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