Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
