Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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