dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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