I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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