if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
