I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
whose ass print is on the piano?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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