I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
