I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
