I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
