Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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