hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
