3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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