bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
