I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
