I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
wow bdsm is so cute
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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