ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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