Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
