I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
