3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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