Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
