I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
