I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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