how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize