I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please, let me fuck your mom
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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