So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
