Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
