I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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