the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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