Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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