he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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